Getting Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable: Talking to Your Partner About Going to Couples Therapy
Helping Your Relationship Thrive: Encouraging Couples Therapy
If you sense that your relationship could benefit from professional guidance and support, expressing your desire for couples therapy to your partner can be a sensitive and important conversation. Remember, taking this step shows your commitment to the relationship and your willingness to work through challenges together. To approach the topic effectively, consider the following steps:
1. Choose the right timing:
Find a calm and non-confrontational moment to discuss couples therapy. Avoid bringing it up during highly stressful or busy periods. Both of you should be relatively relaxed and have sufficient time to engage in a meaningful conversation.
2. Express your intentions honestly
Start the conversation by sharing your genuine concerns about the relationship and your desire for it to thrive. Use "I" statements to express your emotions and avoid making accusations or blame. For example, say, "I have been feeling overwhelmed by our recent conflicts, and I believe couples therapy could help us improve our communication and find healthier ways to navigate these challenges."
3. Emphasize the benefits
Clearly communicate the positive aspects of couples therapy and how it can enhance your relationship. Highlight that it is not a sign of weakness or failure but rather an opportunity to grow together. Mention benefits such as improved communication, deeper emotional connection, and gaining valuable tools for conflict resolution.
4. Be empathetic and understanding
Acknowledge any potential hesitations or concerns your partner may have about therapy. Encourage an open dialogue by offering reassurance that the process will be collaborative, and that the therapist's role is to provide guidance and support, not to assign blame. Express your own willingness to address any concerns your partner may have.
5. Share relevant resources
Provide your partner with information about reputable couples therapy options, including the benefits and success stories of others who have tried it. Share personal testimonials or research articles that demonstrate how therapy has helped couples overcome challenges and strengthen their bond. This information can help alleviate any misconceptions and increase your partner's comfort level with the idea.
6. Plan the next steps together:
Once you've expressed your desire to attend couples therapy, invite your partner to discuss the next course of action together. Collaborate on finding a suitable therapist or counseling center that resonates with both of you. Consider factors such as location, cost, and the specific areas you'd like to work on in therapy. Taking this step as a team can foster a sense of shared ownership and commitment. I always encourage couples to find an EFT (emotion-focused therapy) therapist as they are highly trained, and EFT has research showing it is one of the most effective therapies for couples.
If your partner continues to state that they are not willing to go to couples therapy, you may want to look into individual therapy for yourself to start with. This can offer you a space to talk about the struggles within your relationship and start working on your own part in the relationship, even if that means you are doing it alone now.
It can take some partners time to come around to the idea of going to couples therapy, as it can be a little scary to think about being open and vulnerable, which may be something new to them. You can always do a consultation call with a couples therapist with your partner; that way, they can ask questions to the therapist and address any concerns they may have. Reach out if you would like to discuss further.
