How Emotion Focused Therapy Can Help Couples

Getting Stuck In A Negative Cycle.

Many couples who come to me are stuck in a negative cycle, they fight about the same things over and over again, and then feel stagnant within their relationship. EFT (Emotion Focused Therapy) helps individuals identify the underlying attachment need that is happening within the relationship. Helping couples learn why they are having the emotional response they are having, learning new ways to communicate what they are needing, and creating strong connection between the individuals.

All of us have an attachment style, typically formed by the way we grew up, yes I am talking about your childhood. If your parents were distant and really didn’t help you in anyway, you may have been avoidant, extremely independent, and have difficulty understanding why people become so emotional. If you had parents who were unpredictable, they gave you attention sometimes, and then other times would not, this may have created an anxious attachment causing you to feel angry and fearful when others do not respond to your needs.

EFT can help each partner understand the need that is trying to be meet within the emotional reaction, or the shutting down of the other partner. To truly work through conflict, you have to understand why your partner does what they do, to understand that this is their way of protecting themselves, and probably started a long time ago. These conflicts can change with the help of a therapist who can guide you through the negative cycle, look at the deep emotional detachment that is happening, and finding ways to empathize, cope, and really heal the relationship.

EFT may take multiple session depending on where you are at within your cycle and how much healing needs to be done to undo the old cycle that has happened and possible trust and safety that has been damaged. Give it time, don’t expect everything to fall into place within a few sessions. It takes a long time to get to a negative place within your relationship, and it can take time to mend those damaged parts as well. Be patient, understanding, and open to hearing your partner in therapy, give it a chance, and it might have been the best decision you ever made for your relationship using Emotion Focused Therapy and contact me if I can help you out.