What to Expect At Your First Couples Therapy Session

Many of the couples I see express feeling nervous, unsure, and hesitant about attending couples therapy for the first time.

This makes total sense, I mean you are about to tell a stranger all the vulnerable aspects of your relationship right? Vulnerability is always a little nerve-racking! While I do my best to make sure my couples feel comfortable during the first couples therapy session, I thought it might be helpful to map out what a typical first session with me would look like!

Since I am an Emotion Focused Therapist, I have a specific way of doing couples therapy.

Before I meet with the couple, each individual will have their own form to fill out, telling me about their experience, the good and the bad, about their relationships, and what their goals are in couples counseling. It’s important to me that I understand where EACH of you is coming from. I will review these forms before meeting with my couples, which helps me understand what might be some of the struggles in the relationship, and be able to discuss this at the first session.

When I do meet with the couple, I will ask questions about what they wrote on their form, what they feel is the biggest struggle within the relationship, and possibly discuss the most recent argument to help myself, and the couple, understand what their cycle is within the relationship.

Every couple has a cycle that they go through, by cycle I mean a negative loop that keeps happening in the relationship, and couples feel stuck. I am not here to place blame on anyone for how they got in the cycle, nor am I here to take sides. Every individual has their own ways of protecting themselves in relationships and for good reason! These protection mechanisms are something most of us have learned to do a long time ago, and it comes up in our relationships, which can at times cause distress and conflict.

The next step after the first couples therapy intake is to meet with each partner individually.

I will ask each partner more about their history, how they grew up, who they were close to growing up, and who they reached out to for support when they were in distress. It is so important to me to understand how each individual has come to use their way of protecting themselves in the relationship so that I can help each partner understand each other, and why they do what they do.

Then, the real work starts! I will then continue to work with the couple and typically suggest meeting once a week or once every 2 weeks. I suggest this in order for me to help them make progress, build a relationship with them, and have faster results. If I am meeting with a couple once a month, there is not a lot I can do to assist them at that point, as I am not able to consistently help them through each issue. The only couples I will see once a month, are couples that I have seen for a while, and have improved their ability to communicate and manage conflict, and that is more for maintenance in the relationship.

Begin Working With A Couples Therapist in Arizona

If you are feeling nervous about starting couples therapy, I hope that this provided some insight into what It can look like from an Emotion-Focused Therapist. I am so passionate about helping couples find connection and understanding within their relationship! If you are looking to start couples therapy then go ahead and contact me today!