Attachment Styles and Their Role in Relationships

Attachment styles develop early on in life.

There are four major attachment styles, anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure.

In order to become securely attached, individuals with insecure attachment styles may have to be intentional about putting in some work to become more secure.

It is human nature to seek love, connection, support, and comfort from others. We have an innate need to connect with others and belong. Even though this is true, your attachment style may be causing some issues within your relationship and your ability to become close to your partner or others.

If you have noticed being in the same pattern in relationships, even with different partners, it might be important for you to look further into your behavior and analyze your attachment style within your relationships to better understand yourself and what you may be needing to be close with your partner.

Anxious attachment style:

If you have an anxious attachment style you may appear clingy, work harder than your partner to create closeness, or you may have high anxiety in thinking about living without your partner.

People with anxious attachment value their relationship highly and will be consistently worried if their partner is providing as much effort in the relationship as they are. When the need for closeness is not met for an anxious partner, they may become demanding, obsessive, and clingy in nature.

Avoidant attachment style:

An avoidant person would consider themselves independent, enjoy being alone, and be self-sufficient. Someone who is more avoidant may not see the need to rely on others or reach out to others for support, and does not feel the need to have a partner to feel “complete.”

Individuals with avoidant styles may avoid emotional closeness, hide their feelings when faced with emotional stress in relationships, and appear distant when things become difficult.

Disorganized attachment style:

This type of attachment style has a little bit of anxiety and avoidance. They do truly want closeness, and at the same time, fear being emotionally open with others leading to them being distant as well.

They do not regulate their emotions well and have difficulty keeping relationships due to fear of getting hurt.

For the disorganized type, the relationship is a source of love and comfort but also a source of fear.

Secure Attachment Style:

The above attachment styles discuss the difficulties within their style and how they can negatively affect relationships. A Secure attachment, basically means that they are comfortable sharing how they are feeling.

Someone who is secure can depend on their partner and allows their partner to depend on them. They tend to have a positive view of self and others, and do not fear being alone, but also value the closeness with their partner.

You may be noticing some of your own characteristics in reading this, and that’s okay! You may relate to multiple types of attachment styles, as they can change over time depending on life events. The good news is, an insecure attachment can become secure with a secure individual to attach to. This can be created through EFT (emotion-focused therapy), a proven method to help relationships thrive and work through the negative cycles of insecure attachment styles.

Begin Working With A Relationship Therapist in Colorado or Arizona

If you are looking to work on your own attachment style and become more secure, or you are in a relationship where you notice these patterns, book a free consultation with me to start your journey to a secure relationship! To start your relationship therapy journey with Aspen Grove Counseling, so reach out today!