Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationship Characteristics

Whether you are already in a relationship, or you are out there in the world trying to find your person, identifying whether your relationship is healthy or not can be hard to define.

There are so many people in our lives that offer advice on what is okay, and what is not okay, and it may be hard to understand when you are getting multiple answers.

I want to discuss in this blog post the positive aspects of a relationship, the unhealthy aspects, along with what abuse can look like.

I want you to not only explore your partner’s behavior but also your own within your relationship. If you see some unhealthy aspects within yourself in reading this, it may be something to reflect on, why you may be behaving in these ways, and identifying ways to address this with your partner or a therapist to explore how to be more healthy in a relationship.

No one is perfect in a relationship, and sometimes we can fall into unhealthy patterns due to past trauma or having unhealthy relationships in the past, and maybe a lack of insight into what a healthy relationship can look like. Here are a few areas that are important within a relationship to review.

Communication

In a healthy relationship, you talk openly about your feelings without shouting or swearing. You listen to each other, hear each other out, respect each other’s opinions, and are willing to compromise

In an unhealthy relationship, you may normally discuss problems calmly but sometimes one of you shouts the other down. You don’t listen to each other or try to compromise.

In an abusive relationship, during disagreements there is screaming, swearing, or threatening, or these things happen even when there is no argument. Your partner is demeaning or insulting towards you or will deliberately ‘punish’ you following arguments by ignoring you.

Respect

In a healthy relationship, you value each other as you are. Culture, beliefs, opinions, and boundaries are valued. You treat each other in a way that demonstrates the high esteem you hold for one another.

In an unhealthy relationship, one or both of you are inconsiderate toward each other. Your partner occasionally disregards your views, ignores what you say, or laughs at you.

In an abusive relationship, your partner doesn’t care what you think, undermines what you say, and disregards your safety. Disregarding your safety might include them getting you to drink too much or encouraging you to take drugs.

Equality

In a healthy relationship, you make decisions about where you go and what you do jointly. Your boyfriend or girlfriend gives you the freedom to see your friends and family when you want to.

In an unhealthy relationship, one of you makes most of the decisions about where you go. Your boyfriend/girlfriend puts pressure on you to do what they like doing.

In an abusive relationship, you’re only allowed to make decisions if your partner allows you. You are pressured not to see friends even when he/she can. You are worried to tell your boyfriend/girlfriend what you want to do in case they react badly.

Compassion

In a healthy relationship, you feel cared about and loved. Your partner is kind to you and open with you about how they feel. If you are down about something they listen to you and give you support.

In an unhealthy relationship, your boyfriend/girlfriend is dismissive of your feelings and occasionally belittles or jokes about how you feel. He/she is unable to be open about feelings and can be immature when responding to you.

In an abusive relationship, your boyfriend/girlfriend takes pleasure in you feeling down and deliberately lets you down, winds you up, or is nasty to you.

Trust

In a healthy relationship, you trust each other and this trust has been earned.

In an unhealthy relationship, there is suspicion that your partner is doing things behind your back, or your partner is suspicious of your loyalty without reason.

In an abusive relationship, your boyfriend/girlfriend won’t allow you to be around other people. They put pressure on you to end friendships. They consistently ask where you have been and what you’ve been doing.

Intimacy

In a healthy relationship, you talk openly about sexual decisions together. You both consent to sexual activity and can talk about what is okay and what isn’t. If you’re having sex you talk about possible consequences together, such as pregnancy or STDs. You decide together how to address these things, such as through condoms and other birth control methods.

In an unhealthy relationship, one of you is trying to convince the other that the relationship should become more sexual. Or both of you are consensually sexually active with each other but aren’t addressing the possible consequences.

In an abusive relationship the how, when, and where of sexual activity is determined by your partner. Threats and violence might be used prior to or during sexual activity. You might be pressured into having sex with his/her friends.

Space

In a healthy relationship, you both enjoy spending time apart and respect when one of you voices a need for space.

In an unhealthy relationship, so much time is spent together that one of you is beginning to feel uncomfortable. When you express this the other is upset and tries to persuade you not to go out without them. Or sometimes both partners spend so much time together that they ignore friends, family, or other things that used to be important.

In an abusive relationship, your partner controls where you go, who you see and talk to. You have no personal space and you’re often isolated from other people altogether. This isolation can start with your partner making things up about people, telling you that your friends are bad and that the only person who really cares about you is them.

Honesty

In a healthy relationship, you are both honest with each other but can still choose to keep certain things private. For example, you both know that it is important, to be honest about things that affect or involve the relationship and still know that it is also okay to keep certain things private.

In an unhealthy relationship, one or both partners are telling lies to each other on occasion.

In an abusive relationship, the violent or verbally abusive partner denies or minimizes their actions. They try to blame the other for the harm they’re doing.

Begin Relationship Therapy in Mesa Arizona

If you are struggling within your relationship, and need help with navigating a negative cycle that you are in within your relationship, or need guidance on how to find a healthy partner within dating, reach out and let’s talk so you can start your relationship therapy journey with Aspen Grove Counseling today!